Feminists have long derided marriage as a paternalistic institution that oppresses women. A recent study, however, suggests that the modern wife not only has greater decision-making power than her mother and grandmother, but she has more than her own husband.

A team of Iowa State University (isu) researchers led by David Vogel and Megan Murphy studied 72 married couples. They asked each spouse to name a relationship problem that required cooperation from the other to solve, and then videotaped the two working to resolve the problem. Researchers carefully evaluated the interchanges to determine who was making the most demands, who was withdrawing or avoiding the issues, who was dominating and who was giving in.

The women won.

Vogel explained, “[Women] were communicating more powerful messages, and men were responding to those messages by agreeing or giving in.”

The results may not surprise many people: They only confirm the marital dynamic present in every sitcom on television. But they did somewhat surprise the researchers, simply because they defied predictions that men had greater power within marriage. The abstract of the study, which appeared in the April 2007 issue of the quarterly Journal of Counseling Psychology, reads,

Contrary to social structure predictions, results showed that wives did not possess less decision-making ability or access to resources and appeared to exhibit greater situational power (i.e., domineering and dominant behaviors) than did their husbands during problem-solving discussions. Furthermore, the spouse who exhibited the most demands [typically the wife] also exhibited the most domineering and dominant behaviors, whereas the spouse who exhibited the most withdrawal [typically the husband] exhibited the least domineering and dominant behaviors during problem-solving discussions.

“The study at least suggests that the marriage is a place where women can exert some power,” said Vogel. It also at least suggests just how different typical marital roles are today from what they have been in the past.

Underscoring this point, Murphy explained the study results this way: “Women are responsible for overseeing the relationship—making sure the relationship runs, that everything gets done, and that everybody’s happy. And so, maybe some of that came out in our findings in terms of women domineering and dominating—that they were taking more responsibility for the relationship, regardless of whose topic was being discussed.”

This study provides a fascinating glimpse into the state of modern marriage. It is worth measuring against the biblical model.

Ephesians 5:21 says husbands and wives should be “submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God.” This supports Murphy’s conclusion that one marker of a healthy marriage is “that men accept influence from their wives.”

However, the remainder of the passage in Ephesians strongly emphasizes the importance of husbands lovingly taking the lead within the marriage union, and wives submitting to that leadership (verses 22-33). The man who allows his wife to “[oversee] the relationship, making sure the relationship runs, that everything gets done, and that everybody’s happy” relinquishes his God-given responsibility, places undue burden on his wife’s shoulders and deprives her of the peace of mind that comes from having a fully engaged spouse.

At the same time, wives who dominate their husbands violate the scriptural formula for a successful marriage. Though doing so may provide a short-cut solution to specific issues, it also breaks unalterable, God-ordained laws governing human relationships and thus unwittingly introduces significant long-term problems and curses into family life.

Many couples aspire to attain the modern ideal: a “50-50 marriage.” The isu study, however, shows how, within the reality of human relationships, one mate tends to dominate. The Bible instructs that this should be the man, and supplies specific, pointed instruction on how to do so appropriately, without abusing this authority.

The Prophet Isaiah foretold a time when male leadership would become feeble, and “women [would] rule over them” (see Isaiah 3:1-12). This is God’s assessment of modern marriages, and the isu team’s findings back it up. What may seem like a 50-50 relationship is actually, in most cases, a wife-dominated relationship.

Following scriptural instruction on marriage truly does lead to the greatest happiness, fulfillment and spiritual enrichment for both husband and wife. Marriage, when truly understood from the Bible, is one of the most awesome and inspiring institutions God created. To learn the little-understood biblical reasons for marriage, read Herbert W. Armstrong’s booklet Why Marriage! Soon Obsolete?