The Philadelphia Church of God uses the marriage ceremony that Herbert W. Armstrong composed—a beautiful service. At the culmination of the ceremony, the minister asks, “Do you, [groom], faithfully promise and covenant with God, in the presence of these witnesses, to take [this bride] to be your lawfully wedded wife? To love her, cherish her, honor her, and provide for her?”

The man responds, “I do”—making a covenant—not with his wife, but with God.

What is a covenant? It is an agreement. In that ceremony, a man agrees to love, cherish, honor and provide for the wife God has blessed him with. In return, God binds that marriage.

The point is, marriage and family are covenant relationships, not casual associations. They are binding, contractual relationships that come with conditions—terms—obligations—responsibilities for each family member.

The Old and New Covenants

After Israel’s exodus from slavery in Egypt, God led the Israelites to Mt. Sinai, where they spent their first day of Pentecost. There, on that holy day, God codified His eternal, spiritual law—the Ten Commandments—and gave the judgments and civil laws that were to govern the nation of Israel (Exodus 20-24). In doing so, God was explaining the terms of a covenant He was making with the Israelites.

Notice what God told Moses just a few days before He delivered these Commandments: “[I]f ye will obey my voice indeed, and keep my covenant, then ye shall be a peculiar treasure unto me above all people …” (Exodus 19:5).

What covenant was God referring to? His marriage covenant with Israel. It was a marriage between ancient Israel and the God who would later become Jesus Christ.

Sadly, the people of ancient Israel didn’t fulfill their obligations in this marriage. They disobeyed God and broke the covenant, and so God gave them a bill of divorce (Jeremiah 3:8) and withdrew the many promises associated with that covenant.

What did God do next? He sent the Word—the One who had married ancient Israel—to this Earth as a mortal man, who then died. Fifty days after Christ was resurrected, that very next day of Pentecost, God established a new covenant—a new marriage covenant.

Like the Old Covenant, this covenant began on the day of Pentecost. This event is recorded in Acts 2—the imparting of the Holy Spirit and the birth of the New Testament Church (verses 1-4).

The terms and conditions of the New Covenant are still based on God’s law, but the promises are spiritual. God gives a portion of His Holy Spirit so those in this covenant can do what Israel didn’t possess the heart to do: obey God and keep the terms of the covenant. The same law is in force, but it becomes written in our hearts (Jeremiah 31:31-33).

When those called-out ones are baptized, they enter this covenant with God—a special marriage covenant. The agreement is this: They obey God, and God will raise them up as Jesus Christ’s wife. God already labels them His wife because in His mind the marriage is as good as consummated. As Gerald Flurry wrote in Ezekiel: The End-Time Prophet, “When God says He will do something, it is always done. He never breaks a covenant. So when we are engaged to Christ, it’s the same as a marriage. A covenant to be married is the same as a marriage—the way God views it.”

Again we see a family relationship that is binding—that comes with conditions, terms and responsibilities. Just like in a physical family, we have a role to play—we have obligations to meet.

Marriage and Family: Covenant Relationships

To illustrate the point, briefly consider just one of the responsibilities associated with the marriage relationship.

As reflected in the marriage ceremony God implemented through Mr. Armstrong, a man must provide for his family. “But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel” (1 Timothy 5:8). If a man doesn’t provide, his religion is worthless; in fact, God says he’s worse than an unbeliever! This is specifically talking about material provision, but in principle it includes providing spiritually, emotionally and so on.

Realize: A father is in a covenant relationship that makes him duty-bound to put the needs of his family ahead of his own desires. The blessings of family life come with a set of specific God-ordained obligations that he must fulfill if he is to remain in good standing with God. This is only one of those obligations; the Scriptures list others.

Of course, the same is true of the wife, and even of the children. The blessings of being a part of that family come with specific responsibilities and obligations to that family. In fact, one could argue that each family member fulfilling those obligations is what distinguishes and even defines that family relationship. The covenant roles set family relationships apart from those of any other group of people who may happen to live together.

Family isn’t just “people and love,” as many tend to view it. It is a God-inspired governmental structure, patterned after the God Family, where each member fulfills a specific role to contribute to the working of the group.

In 1 Corinthians 7:32-33, Paul talks about how a married man must take care to please his wife. The Living Bible puts it, “[H]e has to think about his earthly responsibilities ….” The Moffatt translation says, “The unmarried man is anxious about the Lord’s affairs, how best to satisfy the Lord; the married man is anxious about worldly affairs, how best to satisfy his wife—so he is torn in two directions.” Any married man trying to fulfill his responsibilities to his family can identify with that.

The same goes for women (verse 34). Taking care of a husband is a big job—and Paul hasn’t even broached the subject of when children enter the picture.

Married life consumes a lot of attention, energy and focus. Many consider that a negative thing—but in God’s view it can be extremely positive. A person can learn invaluable lessons by dedicating his or her attention and energy toward family.

In fact, family is a wonderful tool to help us conquer our natural, carnal selfishness. Marriage and family teach us how to give—consistently, unconditionally. To give even when you don’t feel like you have anything to give. To love even when you feel the other person doesn’t really deserve your love.

The fact that it is a covenant relationship keeps us dedicated to it, even when, selfishly, we may have other ideas. We commit to family, and then, once in it, we are bound to remain in it. That commitment enables us to grow through difficulties and challenges, continuing to chip away at selfish tendencies. It’s not natural, but it is a great training ground for developing God’s character and learning how to employ God’s love.

Proper family life is selfless.

Embrace the family life. Use that powerful tool God has given us to conquer our selfishness.